Suspect each moment, for it is a thief, tiptoeing away with more than it brings.
John Updike
I have always been curious about the construct of time. Philosophers, poets, and physicists have grappled with the idea of time for centuries. There are mind-bending arguments that the passage or flow of time is a mirage, and all time is laid out in its entirety—a timescape, analogous to a landscape—with all past and future events located there together. Augustine of Hippo, a fifth-century philosopher (and patron saint of brewers 🍺), remarked that he knew well what time is - until somebody asked. Then he was at a loss for words. Albert Einstein wrote that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. He also said that if you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough and this rather aptly captures my relationship with time.
Meeting up with old friends and falling into a comfortable rhythm of sharing and laughing at decades old stories is one of life's greatest gifts. It appears to make time momentarily stand still. I retired recently and some days were a grind, yet a decades-long career that I loved seems to have gone by in a blur. Getting older can bring wisdom and recognition that many of the things we worried about are not very important. Aging also brings the reality of death a little closer and grief resurfaces the notion of time. Our father died decades ago at age 61, and I remember thinking at the time that he was old. Our Mom lived an active, independent, and healthy life to 85, but she became ill and passed away in a week. I remember her telling us in the ICU that "it is happening too fast". The harder we try to hold onto the sands of time, the quicker they seem to slip through our grasp.
Our two children are adults now with professional careers, and both were married within the last couple of years. Their ceremonies were wonderful celebrations of happiness, life, and love. We gathered on warm, sunny days with friends and family and revelled in their joy. Preparing ‘father of the bride’ and ‘father of the groom’ speeches caused me to marvel at how time zooms by - poof - our little girl and little boy have moved away, have life partners, homes, and lives of their own.
As we age, we are often surprised by candid photos of ourselves, and struck by the strangeness of seeing an old person wearing our clothes. At the same time, when we see old photos of ourselves, we realize that we were unaware of how young and full of life we once were. I imagine twenty years from now we would give anything to be this exact age and looking and feeling as good as we do now. Perhaps as more sand escapes from the hourglass of life, the clearer we can see through it.
It seems unwise to postpone our best life for later. We do not need a wedding or a funeral to celebrate life or to express our love and gratitude. There is not time for words left unsaid. I will do my best to keep moving, exploring and learning, and not let the old man in. Besides, I have a grandchild now, and I have several thousand corny grandpa jokes I want to share with him. There really is no better time than now.
